I Dream of Barbie

There must be something about Barbie.

She's become an archetype of American femininity. And, as should be expected with any archetype, folks will do horrible, awful things in the name of humour related to that archetype.

For me, that moment finally came in this bizarre dream I had. I'd like to share it.

In it, Barbie has this major 'I-can-do-anything' sort of attitude. She gets so arrogant about it that she joins the National Football League as a football player.

She dresses as Barbie would. First, flimsy shoulder-pads that won't cause her shoulders to look ugly, but will give the effect of being a football player in the major leagues. She has on no padding or the like, strictly a skin-tight top (with a good bra to keep things from flopping around) and knickers with fairly decent high-heel kleats.

Throughout the game she's been posing on the field. She looks good, but she hasn't really contributed anything to the game.

Then, out of nowhere, the opposing team fumbles the ball badly, causing it to land squarely into Barbie's arms.

It's at this point that the scales lift from Barbie's eyes.

  1. She's got the complete focus of the entire game on her.
  2. Several sweaty, strong, violent men are barrelling down the field towards her.
  3. They're not interested in her good looks.
  4. They are interested in that ball in her arms.

Shrieking with girlish fright, Barbie limply tosses the ball into the air in some random direction, stumbling away from the men as quickly as her high-heel shoes allow.

Melvin thought I'd lost my mind, as I woke up laughing that morning.

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